Good morning. Long time, no chat! I've had a lot of things happen in the last month; I've been busy, and a bad blogger, so today I thought I would take some time and lay out what's in store for 2017. I guess you could call these my "New Year's Resolutions" although I am way past January 1st, 2017. I've decided that 2017 is going to be the year of me! I say this with a sad yet determined and excited heart. The past few months have taught me I need to focus on me.
I thought I would fill this post with quotes because quotes say everything I'm feeling, all wrapped up.
One of my goals now that I am done with school and residency is to travel, travel, travel. I already have 9 days off in February and have a fabulous trip planned. I've learned that traveling really is the one thing that fills your soul. It expands your horizon, knowledge of the world, and allows you to visit far away friends. I want to try to go somewhere new at least every 3 months, whether it be a new town in Nevada or a city or country away.
Focusing on my blog and getting better at photography is a huge goal of mine. Whether or not people understand, blogging is a total outlet for me. I love my camera; I love capturing moments and beautiful photos, only to share them with the world. I plan to focus at least 1 full day, if not more, to blogging. And of course, going outside/anywhere to "practice" with my camera.
One of the biggest "complaints" I have always had about photography is the props. All of these photos, the gorgeous photos you see on Instagram, are all so perfectly staged. And I have bought poster board, props, lighting... and it's absolutely EXHAUSTING! I hate spending hours "setting" up photos, waiting for the perfect lighting. In my someday house, I will have a room that is all set up with amazing lighting. But until then I need to figure out a better system. I thought about buying stock photos but I feel like that defeats the purpose. From now on, I am going to work on taking better photos with LESS effort. I hate spending hours editing!
Buy a Car
I desperately need to buy a new car and I know I'm not going to be the best at bargaining but I can do it. I found the one I want; I just need to test drive it again and work on the offer. I am going to do this next week so I can just be done with it! (See post
- I bought Stella!)
"We rise by lifting others"
One of the things I miss most about pharmacy school is volunteering. It felt so good to give back to the community and I want to start again. I'm not sure how - maybe small at first. I did donate animal crates to the humane society in December.
Expand My "Business"
So this is something that I want to do, and it's already happening, but I am so intimidated by it. I don't feel like I am the best blogger, writer, photographer, etc. so I'm scared to go out into the world and offer my services. But I've already been contacted by two local businesses about working with them, so I need to get over my fear and start seizing opportunities! I've been telling more and more people about the blog, which is exposing me, but if I want this to be anything, I'll need to put myself out there. Speaking of that, time to order some business cards.
Get Board Certified
"You don't have to be better than everyone else. You should strive to be better than you ever thought you could be."
For pharmacy, I can get board certified. I really want to work on being a better pharmacist and continuing to grow and learn each day. Medicine is so vast that there is always something new to learn. I've been making a list of topics that I want to look into that way I don't forget.
Less Social Media, More Human Interaction
"As we grow yo, we realize it becomes less important to have a ton of friends, and more important to have real ones."
There are studies out there that show that people who spend more time on social media are actually more depressed than people who don't. I absolutely believe this so I want to spend less time online or on my phone, and more time connecting with friends in person.
"Focus on your goals sweetheart. These men only want to waste your damn time."
This has been my biggest motivation for why 2017 is going to be MY year! I have gone back and forth on telling my tale but I decided to do it... because I want to and that's me. So far, in the last 5 months, I have had... at least 6 (SIX!) horrible dating experiences. And I'm so over it. I am amazing, smart, pretty, funny, creative, caring, outgoing, so many wonderful things yet these men have done nothing but drag me under. And I'm so over it - I can't even begin to explain.
- I was asked to share a beer with a guy at a brewery once. I had a long day and I thought talking to a random stranger would be fun. We actually had met once before. I was super drunk and he asked if I was okay and needed a ride home. At the time this annoyed me because I am not a damsel in distress. I do not need someone to take care of me. Anyways, turns out he was closer in age to my mom than me and I was closer in age to his daughter. So I kindly said "thanks but no thanks." I saw him again recently and he offered to buy me and a guy I was with drinks (super awkward) and afterwards he texted me and said we should go out again. Awesome, ask me out on a date after you see me out on a date with someone else. Needless to say, I am going to avoid that brewery, because apparently he lives there. Ugh, annoyance #1.
- My ex. I can't even begin to start. He is this totally amazing guy and I saw myself spending the rest of my life with him, but he has anger issues. His best friend and I were talking about it and he is also extremely bias. He grew up rich and on a farm. He has no concept of the actual world aka he likes Trump, which just speaks volumes. He is angry and hateful and has said things to me no woman should ever hear. Luckily, I'm strong enough to know it's not okay and I finally have blocked his calls and texts. Just done.
- I'm going to group people here... one doctor accused me of spreading rumors about me and him. Like I just spend all my time talking and thinking about him. Narcissistic. Another resident and I grabbed drinks after work. Later we met up with his co-resident who said "how's that horrible date you are on?" Awesome, didn't know we were on a date and that I was that horrible to be around. Oh and another guy and I went out for drinks and talking to him was like pulling teeth. All of these experiences, I would have just rather been home alone or out with friends.
- And finally we have the last guy. This is probably the biggest thing I have gone back and forth on (in terms of writing about) but I want my story to be heard. I moved here with the ex (above) but we broke up. My co-worker didn't want me move so she decided to "hook me up with a guy". A new doctor showed up at the hospital and they noticed him. And told me. I did the basic Facebook/Instagram search. You need to find out before you go hitting on people... Are they single, gay, have kids, wife? Whatever. I accidentally liked one of his brothers posts and his brother messaged me and asked if I knew him. I didn't of course but I thought maybe he would hook me up with this brother. He didn't. And he was interested in moving to Reno so I added him on Snapchat to show him pictures. Long story short, we talked for a few months and it was really awesome. He taught me another language, about his culture, etc. But then he fell in love with me. And got super upset when I told him I was not interested. At this point, I was talking to his brother (the one who actually lives in the same country as me (it's such a long story)) and the brother who liked me ended up telling the other brother some obvious bull about me. Awesome. The brother I liked (and work with) completely blocked me on social media. And the thing that pissed me off that most was that he was on his high horse talking about equality and not judging people by their skin color, yet he judged, and blocked me, without even knowing or hearing the full story. Hypocrite. I have no respect.
And this brings me to the end. I've been surrounded by nothing but immature men who do nothing but make me feel bad about myself. I'm so over it. So I'm done. Done dating. Done wasting my time. I do what I want when I want; I need NO man.
"When nobody else celebrates you, learn to celebrate yourself. When nobody compliments you, then compliment yourself. It's not up to other people to keep you encouraged. It's up to you. Encouragement should come from the inside."
This is super fun for me right now because I bought a new cookbook. I lost a bunch of weight after residency but gained some back after the holidays. I'm definitely on a weight loss kick. I've lost and maintained a smaller pant size. But I want to do more than just be "skinny fat". I want to get better, because I honestly feel sooo much better when I am eating healthy. And I want to start working out so I have some muscle and stamina (aka I want to be able to hike long distances!) I'm going to start cooking my way through this cookbook and bring you along on my journey!
Buy a Dog (?)
This is a question mark because I work a lot and I don't want to leave it at home. Also it would have to be an awesome dog that would want to be travel and be able to adapt to many situations! We shall see where we end up on this. I would like to not be alone.
And last but most importantly, find ME!
"So many year of education yet nobody ever taught us how to love ourselves and why it's so important."
I want to focus on me and my wants and needs. I want to discover who I am and what I like without the influence of negative people. Today marks day one of this amazing journey!