I am the girl


I am the girl who has a trail of clothes, hangers, and jewelry from the bedroom to the kitchen to the garage, because I am the girl who undresses and dresses down the hallway, both in complete exhaustion and because I am always running late. I am the girl who dresses herself from clothes she still has in her car from vacation two days ago because I only half unpacked.

I am the girl who honestly LOVES her job because that means she gets to be around people and people make me happy. I am the girl who dances and sings in the stairwell because, well, twirling in a dress is really fun. I am the girl who talks to herself way too much and is often caught in the process. And yes, they always give me the "you are crazy" look. I am the girl who leaves work, and on her way out, one of my nurses says, "You are my favorite."

I am the girl who drops the toilet paper in the bathroom, as it rolls too far away for comfort. I am the girl who has hit her head, arm, and eye four times on inanimate objects in the past two weeks. I am the girl who, daily, spills toothpaste and drinking water on her clothes. I am the girl who turns on the shower, standing in of course, fully clothed, and is now soaking wet. I am the girl who is too stubborn to ask for help, so I move an entire house by myself, and proceed to "fix" things around my house, which means they half work.

I am the girl who strives to be better, who is insecure, yet plays it off really well. I am the girl who smiles even when she is feeling bad. I am the girl who knows making someone else's day better is ALWAYS more important. Because that's just who I am. My mom told me even as a toddler, I would go up to other kids and say "Shhh baby, don't cry. It's going to be okay."

I am messy and unpredictable. I am funny and I get angry. I am broken yet I am complete alone. I am the girl who spent way too much of her life eating lunch alone in the bathroom. I don't know how to be anything but honest. And I don't know that I want to be. I don't know how to deal with all the emotions I feel, but I am trying. Today, heart-pounding and hands shaking, I just sat there for a long time and laughed, smiled. I am the girl who feels too much and is too emotional but for the first time, I am the girl who just sat there and enjoyed the hell out of being human.

Most importantly, I am, in all honestly, I am in love with myself, the good, the bad, the ugly. I accept myself for who I am, and that, that is enough.

I just, am.