"There is a difference between being alone and being lonely"
You would think for being a woman that's almost 26, I would be more worried about getting married and more specifically having children. A nd yes that's a completely sexist statement but let's be honest, as much as we sometimes want them to, men can't have babies.
Now don't get me wrong, I think about. At every wedding I go to, and it's been quite a few the past couple years, I stare teary eyed at the happy couple, feeling the loneliness that is my single life. My friends who know me best know the random texts, "Do you think I'll ever get married?" "Of course!" they say, time and time again.
I would like to share my story, my thoughts, my life, to try to shine some clarity for anyone that needs it, whether you're single or married.
6 Reason I'm 25, single, and completely okay with it!
1. My Career
I've spent the last 7 years focusing on my career, and now that I have a pharmacy residency, you can add one more. Getting your doctorate degree is not easy. Becoming an expert on one of the most complex aspects of pharmacy isn't something you can do on the side. It demands time, patience, and dedication. I've dated a few people throughout pharmacy school but I'm so busy with school and work, that any time I get off, I spend enjoying spending on myself, not hunting men. I've always wanted to share my life with someone who values the same things as me. And I just haven't found him. I'm focusing on myself and my career.
As I said, pharmacy is quite demanding. I spent 3 years in Bozeman focusing on my pre-pharmacy studies. Then I moved. I spent the school year in Missoula and breaks in Bozeman working. It didn't leave much time and I had already been with a guy who drug me around; I didn't do that to someone. After 3 years of the back and forth Missoula-Bozeman gig, I finally landed myself in Bozeman for a full year (almost). However I spent 4 weeks rotating through different pharmacy experiences and applying for residencies. Time was, again, a luxury. I know a lot of my friends have been able to maintain relationships, and even get married, during this process, but I'm happy I have been able to focus on myself and my goals. I know quite a few people who wanted to explore the world or pursue a residency, but aren't because they didn't want to put their spouse through "more". I've never wanted to be forced to make a decision based on how it was affecting someone else. I don't want to forsake my goals for a relationship.The way I see it, I'll get where I want to be, then I'll invite someone into my life. Anyways, now that my year in Bozeman is almost done, I'm hitting the road again and moving to Boise. Maybe for a year, maybe longer. Who knows where the next year will lead me!
Okay, I'll be the first to say dating sucks. I recently had this thing with this guy but every time it tried to be something more, it just fell apart. I gave him a second chance but again it wasn't happening. No matter what, if you know something isn't right, you can't force it.It will always not be right. I expect a lot out of someone I date and I think I have the right too. I didn't spend 8 years getting to where I am today to marry a free loader. I don't care what a guy does, as long as he is passionate about it. That being said, I know a lot of pharmacists who married pharmacists for the sole fact you have so much in common. Anyways, let me walk you down memory lane. First date gone wrong. I show up on time, he shows up 20 minutes late like nothing even happened. Looking back, I should have left with the guy who asked me if I wanted to play pool with him stating "A pretty girl like you shouldn't be alone", but instead I thanked him and waited for Mr. Punctual. I had this idea in my head of who he was that I ignored (not in a rude way by any means) the probably really nice guy, no matter how cheesy his pick up line was! I expect a lot out of guys and myself. After about 30 seconds, I can tell if it's going somewhere. And the last thing I've ever wanted is to jump into something I know isn't right. I used to ask myself that ALL the time about my first long term boyfriend. "What if I break up with him and he was the one?" Well if you ask yourself that, then he isn't (and wasn't) the one.
I'd rather be alone than with the wrong person, always!
As most of you know, I have anxiety. It's sometimes really hard just getting through the day. I've got my life in a pretty good flow right now and bringing someone into the mix is always hard. Then comes the million dollar question: do you tell him? I'm pretty sure my last ex knew I had it but I never had a panic attack around him. I've been fighting a little health battle right now, whether or not to get back on medication. Three days after I did, I had the first attack in probably 2 years. Not cool. Then last week, Sophi had a seizure and post-adrenaline, I had another attack. Although I would rather have an attack now and than instead of being miserable 24/7, they are not a walk in the park. Imagine right before you fall asleep, a grizzly bear walks into your room. You jump out of bed, panicked...welcome to my life. Will he understand? Will he help me or make it worse? All this questions cross my mind.
5. I'm Happy
The age old question "why mess with a good thing?" Right now I have my friends, my family, my health, and a lot of hope and faith that things are going to continually get better. I'm not sad I'm single. I don't lust for affection or need someone to complete me. My journey is coming along nicely and I'm content. No need to shy away from love but no reason so seek it either! I plan to just continue with my journey of happiness :)
6. Define Love
Many people assume the "love of your life" is your spouse. But I believe the love of your life can be anyone or anything. I have the most amazing parents, friends, and family. In fact, today one of my friends sent me a coffee gift card and a note telling me how much she appreciates me. How amazing is that? I've created this amazing network of friends that I wouldn't trade for the world. I've never wanted to be that person who's only friend is their spouse. It's so easy to become that person yet so toxic because if that relationship ends, you are left with nothing. I never want to experience that again. I've also created this amazing network in Boise and I can already tell the next year is going to be amazing. Back to defining love, I don't see any reason why your pet, children, friends, parents, or even your job can't be the love of your life. I really love my career. If nothing else, I will spend the rest of my life saving lives. If at the end of my life all people have to say about me is that I was a good, happy person, who spent my life helping others, than I will have had a successful life.
I'm alone and completely content with it. The right guy might wander into my life, he might not. It doesn't mean I can't have a family, children, or be happy. I'm the creator of my own happiness, and even though I'm 25 and alone, I'm not lonely or sad!